Self confidence is one of those subjects that can be made extremely complex. People have paid great sums of money on books, classes and teachers or spent countless hours searching the depths of the internet all in an attempt to find this illusive and mysterious thing. The truth is, this is one of those very simple matters that become complex in practice… because people make it so.
The first and most important thing to realize about this matter is that its 1000% subjective to each individual. That is not to say that it’s not something that can be taught to a degree, but in the end it will inevitable come down to you; what you want, who you are and what changes you’re willing to make to grow as an individual. Here in this post, I will provide some tips on how you can boost your self confidence. So let’s get started.
How To Boost Self Confidence
First, it’s important to identify the situations in which your personal confidence fall short. For example, you may have someone like me who is a professional salesperson and is very confident in meeting new people and speaking to them, yet when it comes to introducing myself to a beautiful woman I turn into a babbling moron… at least I used to. Then there are those that become nervous around new people or are afraid of things in general, an therein lies the secret. Fear creates an opportunity for the mind to program itself. If everybody’s jumping of a big cliff into a pool and you’re afraid of it, and then you lower your head and go sit down and say “I just don’t want to ya know.” That… that right there can damage your personal confidence thoroughly, and the accumulation of all those little moments throughout one’s life become the cloud that floats about the person with low confidence. Let’s examine this a little further.
I once knew a man that was a brilliant martial artist, a swordsman in fact, who had been training for over a decade. However, he had an issue with training outside where people could see. If you asked him he would say that it was out of concern for not “frightening” or “upsetting” people. It seems at some point someone thought it was strange and involved the authorities. No trouble really came of it, and it all seems very logical, but the truth was this person had some serious self-esteem issues that were very evident in other sectors of his life, and this type of behavior is a clear symptom. Succumbing to fear allowing it to dictate your actions in any way WILL damage your personal confidence. Keep this in mind.
Have you ever knew a strong independent and successful person that has somehow become endeared to a horrible romantic partner that wraps this otherwise strong confident person around their pinky-finger… and twists them up into a little ball, barely recognizable as the same person. If you’re like most you’ve at least seen this, and if you’re unfortunate enough to be like me… you’ve been this. This kind of behavior is very much based in personal belief and confidence. Needing approval from others and concerning yourself more with the thoughts, opinions and considerations of others is something that can be solved the moment you find your own personal self. Please realize I didn’t say self-esteem, or self confidence… I said find you. And herein lies our solution.
To correct issues with self confidence you must first find the things that make you afraid and do them. You don’t have to do them well and you don’t have to be successful… you just have to do them no matter how scared you are, and do them over and over every chance you get until you’re not scared. The second key it to take time for yourself to meditate, and think long and hard about what it is exactly you want to change. Meditation, yoga, martial arts, writing, painting etc. These activities serve to show you your own self and be successful as far as YOU are concerned… not anyone else.
Lastly, you must work hard and consciously to free yourself from other people’s concerns. I used to turn my music down or change the song whenever my car would stop moving so as not to somehow offend other people. If you have low confidence issues then you need to pay attention to the moments throughout your day when you start becoming worried about the considerations of other people. This is not to say that you should walk around being an inconsiderate jerk and saying “hey man, ain’t my problem if you can’t be me and deal with how confident I am.” That is what’s known as bravado; a false confidence and most people can’t stand that guy. I am simply talking about noticing when you’re about to cross the street because there’s someone intimidating coming at you. I’m talking about sitting by yourself at lunch because the only spot to sit was in a group of people you didn’t think you could relate to. Remember, it takes years to erode your confidence and truthfully far less to build it back up.
Take every opportunity (within reason) to take on all the little fears you’ve managed to build up over the years, and slowly but surely you’ll start to notice yourself feeling different. There are other small factors like nutrition and posture, and there are certain elements of self confidence as they relate to the relationships which are tied in with deeper emotional matters. However as I said above, in the end it all comes down to you facing your fears, and finding out who you are and want to be. That confident person you want to see in the mirror is real, and can be found… but you have to be the one looking.
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